Intensity couldn't help but to feel the way she felt at this point. She had just prayed that very morning about this situation with Nick and it still tugged at her heart. I've just got to get to the bottom of this.....ever since Justine told me the truth I thought i could deal with it and get over it but obviously that isn't so......why is this so difficult for me, Lord. she thought as she sat through the service. The message was all about being willing to be that "invisible" woman, some one who did things for God and someone not concerned with whether they got the praise for it public through men but to take comfort in the fact that God sees all of your efforts and will reward you for them in due time.
As Intensity listened, she couldn't help but to take in the fact that this was something she had to truly do and be committed to this deep within her heart because if she kept seeking out these fleeting things like fame within the kingdom, she'd get let down because of her expectations of getting what she so deeply desired...to be noticed and known that she was present in this life and not off somewhere far off alone, as she'd often felt.
A song that described what she felt seeped into her brain as she remembered the music video that accompanied it....
When I was very young
Nothing really mattered to me
But making myself happy
I was the only one
Now that I am grown
Everything's changed
I'll never be the same
Because of you
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me
Looking at my life
It's very clear to me
I lived so selfishly
I was the only one
I realize
That nobody wins
Something is ending
And something begins
Nothing takes the past away
Like the future
Nothing makes the darkness go
Like the light
You're shelter from the storm
Give me comfort in your arms
As she came out of the fog of remembering the song, she felt this familiar tugging in her heart and in her brain as if it were trying to take over her mood and distort her thoughts at this very moment. He was at work and he was definately going to see to it that she was not going to have a good day today. All these lies he tries to conjure up within my head about this whole situation between me and Nick......this isn't good for my spirit at all. I know none of these things are true and I have to get to the bottom of them.....Lord, help keep him away from my mind and my heart, I want to be with you always and not get swept away by malicious lies. Intensity prayed as she felt various thoughts racing across her mind. Soon after that, the tugging she felt at her mind and heart left her side and she felt at peace for now.
After church, Intensity went over by the lake, right next door to the church and gazed upon the water. As she looked into the water, she became almost entranced by the view as tears ran down the sides of her cheeks. "All I desire, is to be resolved with Nick and pray that things can go back to being the way they were before he found out......I just feel like this is all my fault." Intensity then broke down and began sink down on the grass as she kept her eyes fixated on her God and the water.
tbc.....
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